I don't know how I feel right now.
Knowing that I've disappointed you by being not able to come to your party today,
but then again..
It seemed like you've had so much fun there.
I'm happy for you, seriously I am.
But then, to deal with what you said is just..
Hard to take in.
I know you most probably didn't mean it,
like what Denzie said.
But still..
It's really hard not to cry.
I've been deciding what to do for your birthday since the start of January.
Planning and planning, despite my busy schedule.
I fantasize about spending your day together somewhere,
and cooking something for you,
even though I've not much confidence in my own cooking cause not many of my friends tried it before.
But still I decided to try.
Even when you said no,
Denzie said you'd still eat it or something.
I believed in him.
So I searched for recipes.
I thought, you would like some meaty stuff.
It was decided then,
but then due to some family problems,
My savings were all stripped away from me.
Save up, I thought.
It wasn't easy, given the correct amount of money everyday,
Just enough to spend it all.
The night before your day, I've decided to stay until 12midnight just to give you a call.
Despite how tired I was,
I forced myself awake.
Knowing that at least I could talk to you on that day even though I couldn't see you.
I even sung you a song,
horrible that my voice is,
but I thought the lyrics were rather meaningful.
I couldn't sleep that night.
Until 2am something I fell asleep.
My alarm was set at 6 something.
And I woke up to school yesterday,
nervous and happy.
Wondering how your day has been.
I managed through school just fine,
went for lunch with my friends,
walked home in the pouring rain,
and went home and fell asleep,
too tired for dinner.
And yet..
What you told me just now was rather..
Painful.
